The last few days have brought some realizations to the
forefront…and they have been most unpleasant. During the last year and a half
of Mom’s illness and death…and the last six months of my Dad’s illness and
death…I have become a mess. The battle with depression and anxiety have become
an ongoing, daily, many times hourly thing.
I am not a pretty person (by any stretch), but I have always
taken care with my appearance. Over the past few months…I had become so tired…inside
and out…that I just plain stopped caring. The result is that I have gained 15
pounds…and my hair, nails, and general appearance have gone to hell in a hand
bag. I have always been a “walker”, I work in the downtown area, and during my
lunch hour each day, I have walked. Not only do I enjoy walking, but it has
always been a stress buster for me. For some time now…I have been going to my
car during my lunch hour and sleeping instead of walking. I have been eating
candy like there is no tomorrow. I quit taking care of my hair and nails. I
guess…overall…I just felt too tired and lost to do anything that wasn’t
necessary.
I began to be aware of how far I had slipped backwards about
a week ago…and now it is time to fix this mess. So…I asked my husband to take a
couple inches (dead ends) off of my hair…and I became reacquainted with L’Oréal.
I went to the salon and had my nails done. Instead of strapping on my Fitbit
every morning…and then ignoring it…I am back on track trying to attain my step
goal each day (no more car naps). And, I am trying desperately to eat right
(fruits, vegetables, lean meat…no candy or bread), and am once again stepping
on the scales every morning.
I know that it is going to take a while to find “me” again….but
I am searching. I am still battling depression/anxiety…but hopefully things
will begin to improve soon.
And so begins a new journey.
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