This has been a ‘not good’ day. I made two mistakes at work today…they were both minor…but none-the-less…they were there. There isn’t room for much error in this business.
I sometimes wonder if I am really cut out for the ‘human race’. I don’t seem to be able to settle down into a normal routine of contentment, instead…I am filled with resignation. My family life is the only good thing that I can see, and it is awesome! I have the most wonderful husband and kids that anyone could ever hope to have. But I cannot seem to find a work niche that I am happy with.
Time rushes by with terrifying speed. I see those around me enjoying their jobs…even committed to them. Meanwhile, all I can think of is being somewhere else. I feel restless. I know this isn’t normal…but then…what is ‘normal’? Who knows…certainly not me.
I am sorely tempted to do something bizarre lately. Although…it’s really not in my character. The last time I felt this way, I was at Wal-Mart. The kids had both moved out, and I felt at loose ends. On a whim, I decided to have the tops of my ears pierced…thank heavens the woman at the jewelry counter wouldn’t do it. She said she wasn’t able to pierce the cartilage…so instead…I had another set of holes in my lobes (I now have three in each ear). I don’t regret the holes in my lobes…but I think I would have regretted piercing the tops of both ears…it would have looked perfectly ridiculous (at least on me).
It would be so great to be one of those ‘spur of the moment’ people. Wouldn’t it be grand to get up off the couch in the middle of the Friday night news, pack a change of clothes, a razor and a toothbrush, jump in the car and drive somewhere fun…somewhere that you’ve never been before! Then spend the weekend just ‘being’ there…no schedule, no agenda, no itinerary.
I know that most of these feelings (except the work stuff) are very much related to my step-mom preparing to die. I see her mortality looming like a monster in the dark…and it is causing me to feel the reality of my own. Hence…the sense of restlessness, and the desire to make more out of every moment.
This too shall pass.
Be Well!
1 comment:
Kindred spirits!
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